Mourning on Facebook

There's a similar story which I have recently heard from many of my peers, on several different occasions: they know someone who they weren't that close with (from highschool for example) who has passed away and are a witness to a series of "RIP" wall posts coming from friends and family on their news feed. To which I often hear them say "that seems unnatural" or "there's something uncomfortable and wrong about that."

Well, for starters, there are generally always uncomfortable feelings attached to death. As for the part where it is unnatural, I think because Facebook and the internet are still a relatively new medium which we are still negotiating everyday, and because we have not yet been able to see what will happen to things on the internet 50 or 100 years down the line, there is a discomfort of "not knowing" that comes with it.

However, the premise behind the communal grieving that happens on Facebook is entirely natural and nothing new, in my opinion. Grieving is both an individual and a cultural process. The want to grieve publicly, connect with friends, and even knowing that people know that you are grieving, can be very comforting- and is certainly nothing new. After all, widows in some parts of Italy still wear black everyday after their husband's die.

As for keeping the deceased's profile up so that we may continue to visit it and pay our respects or reminisce, in the Victorian era they used to paint portraits of family members posing with those they have lost, as a memorial picture. It's natural to want to have a keep sake or memory of those we have lost and miss.

Ultimately, Lauren Katims in a TIME article phrased it well:

"For thousands of years, death has been acknowledged by rituals and community grieving. But with modernization, as families started splitting up and relocating around the world, society has become more individualized, and many of the rites and rituals have been lost along with a sense of togetherness, says Jeffrey Alexander, director of Yale's Center for Cultural Sociology. "Through technology," he says, "we've constructed this community that can move with us wherever we are."

http://www.time.com/time/business/article/0,8599,1951114,00.html